Friday, November 26, 2004

Batter Up

Another Thanksgiving dinner tonight. My friend, who's married to a Frenchman, has invited us over with about four other couples. She is a lot of fun so I'm sure we'll have a good time. Unfortunately, I'm already feeling tired and I'm starting to think about the fact that my husband is leaving for a week long work trip to South Africa (yes, I'm very jealous) so I have the kids by myself this week. I actually rely on my husband quite a bit, so I get a little anxious when he leaves, especially somewhere far. Not to mention that something usually breaks when he is gone. Does it count that two light switches in the house no longer work? The one in the kitchen particularly bugs me. I assume it is the fact that the lighting system is ancient, but my husband thinks an electrician can fix it...
I've been preoccupied this week with an incident between two children -- friends of my kids. One hit another with a bat and caused enough damage for several stitches. The child doing the hitting is always getting in trouble for hitting and pushing, but things came to a head this week with this latest incident. There have been a lot of apologies and advice.
Most agree that the child needs counseling. The mother asked me what I thought yesterday. She is very upset about this (of course... many tears have been cried by mother and child). How much are we to blame for our children's actions? No parent was around when the bat incident happened. It was at an atelier/workshop. I didn't know what I could or should say, but I told her, that since this isn't the first incident or a rare incident people are expecting something to change. Maybe I should not have said anything, but she asked me a direct question. I feel bad for her, but my child has been hurt too. I feel a little in the middle of the two mothers. They both want me on their side. It has really stressed me out. I should not get so emotionally involved, but I can't seem to help it. Once again, this probably says something about my personality...

-- said Auntie M in Paris
6:07 PM



I would feel emotionally involved too. Not sure if that is right or not. In the states this is a big issue, wether the parents are responsible for the childs actions. Being in the middle is no fun. Hope things work themselves out.

# posted by BohemianMama : 9:19 PM  

Thanks BM.

# posted by Auntie M in Paris : 11:09 AM  

You know, I have also been involved in a situation such as this...the thing I remember is that the mother of the abusive child, was terribly embarrassed. So, on top of loving her child , and like the rest of us, not wanting to believe her child could EVER do anything wrong, was so embarrassed. I always try to place myself in others shoes, and act as I would like for others to act to me. Sounds simple...? It is tough.

I believe as long as you are sincere, and she doesn't feel that you are trying to be above her (i.e. look at MY perfect children...they would never do what your child is doing) then you could possibly do a lot of good for your friend. As far as being in the middle, there are hurt folks on both sides, I hope that they don't put you in the middle!

I hope your husband's trip is just wonderful. South Africa, I have been to a lot of places in the world, but I would love to visit Africa...ugh. Lucky duck!


# posted by Carrie : 4:33 PM  

Thanks for you comment. I think being in the middle is making me very nervous in part because I know my children aren't perfect and sometimes do some aggressive acts. But, I guess my children don't bite and do some other stuff that this child is being accused of.

# posted by Auntie M in Paris : 7:42 PM  

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